Some things i've learned...

I used to write a lot...I haven't in the past year or two. I'm not sure why. I've lost a few passions of mine and gained a few...maybe i never lost them but they just faded into the background with all the distractions that were shoved in my path.

looking back on some things over the past couple years...it seems i haven't grown much but after going to a group meeting tonight and a friend michael spoke i realized i've grown a lot more than i thought even though it seemed as if i have gone the wrong ways. See I realized this life isn't a race... we all grow and mature and find out who we are in different phases and stages..God made each one of us specifically and intricately. He knows exactly how you tick, what makes you sad and what makes you happy, how you are wired and what makes you do the things you do. So as i look back on the past couple years of my life, i kept telling myself i haven't grown and everyone is moving forward but ME. i sank low many nights because i was comparing my life to other people and i wasn't doing the right things per se, but God spoke to me tonight and told me that i'm exactly where he wants me to be and every little thing i've done that has put me right where i am is exactly what he ALLOWED to happen to make me who i am today.

sounds so cliche at times, but until you have had an experience to look back on you can't say it means anything to you. I guess i've learned that the people in my life that have always loved me still do...they never stopped and their words stick with me throughout my whole life. the friends i have that i know that love me are always there and love me no matter what i do. i can say that i think i have the best family and they mean everything to me, their love is a love from God and i feel so overwhelmed and blessed to have them in my life. the words they've spoken to me since i was little from my mom, dad and brother have made me into the woman i am today. their love is unconditional and stable...never fading.

it's true...you can have all the things in the world but if you don't have love you don't have anything. so true. all i want is love...love from God for he is love,..love with my family and friends. I just want to form better relationships with the people i love. that's what i feel i'm being called to. it may not be a doctor, or a lawyer or something significant in the world, but to love and be loved is greater than anything to me.

anyways i just got hit a wave of REAL SLEEPY LIKENESS. lol

bye bye.

i've always wanted this love.

The nights i cannot sleep are the nights that thoughts bounce around in my heart and head. for some reason writing about things helps me. maybe no one will read it but it doesn't matter to me. i just know it needs to be free.

when i write...i don't need to think about what people will say in response or think, i just know that there is one person who hears me and that is God. That is most comforting to me. I know that no matter what i do or say...He is there. No matter what dark valley I am treading through...He never leaves me. I know there is nothing i can do or say to make him love me less....He is a love that no man can offer or knows.

i just caught myself smiling.

I've always wanted a love that would stick up for me when no one else would...a love that would protect me when i'm beaten down or tossed about, a love that hides me in it's arms....just because. i've always wanted a love that never leaves me or forsakes me because it is bored or found something better. i've always wanted a love that means what it says.... a love that keeps no record of my wrongs....a love that doesn't punish me for having a bad day or ignores me because it's having a bad day. i've always wanted those things....and all along i've had it right at my finger tips....right in front of me....right in my heart. i've had that love but i reject it everyday for something trivial or distracting that only leaves me empty... and i'm always left at the end of the day asking myself why?

i've always had that love....the love that God can only offer me....for FREE. i've always had it...and the best part is...i didn't have to do a thing to gain it. i just believe....and the other best part is.. there is nothing i can do to lose this great love.

i have God and that is all i need. there are some lyrics from a band called RED that i LOVE so much right now. sometimes it's how i feel and knowing that it's clearly a song...somebody else has felt that way too....makes me think that we're all searching and needing something deeper in our lives than just surface and "things" of the world that don't fill us up. afterall, "all that glitters isn't gold."

"I'm here again
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way

Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Like puzzle pieces in your eye

Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole!"- RED

I'm off to Tennessee for awhile!

See ya soon.

Some things I love.

CUPCAKES and CUPCAKE STUFF.


concerts and meeting new people :)


good friends who are there for you.


coffee.


being weird.




friends. sunshine.





My brother. one of my best friends.




Roadtrips with good friends.




My favorite little boy. Gabe. ( or i call him BOWLS) ha He is so pleasant and fun. Definitely a gift from God.

all the glitters is not gold.

If there is one thing i want to be with you today... it is real.

Lately, I have been forgetting my purpose as to why I am alive and why I was created. I have been living for myself and essentially others (opinions) to find temporary happiness which wasn't real happiness to begin with. I know who my creator is and I know that my only purpose is to serve and know God.

I look around wherever I go, and i wonder what each person holds in their hearts; the deep secrets that nobody knows about them; the sadness or hurting they carry around; their desires and their bondages. I look at people everywhere i go whether they seem happy on the outside or sad on the outside, who is to know what really goes on in their hearts? only God.

I have known people in my lifetime for seasons and I thought I knew them, only to find later I had no idea who they were or what they kept deep inside of them. So the reason I am telling you this is because, I have struggled lately with feeling lost in my heart and life...because I don't measure up to the world's standards of being this or that or having the right job or at the right standard for this age, and i have been struggling with that because all this time i'm asking God what i'm supposed to do as well and I feel like He hasn't told me. I told you this because other people look great and have it together to me, but I don't know their hearts or their lives, and i'm comparing my life to someone else's path when God has his very own plan for me. deep down i know this.

oh my this life is so short. also, my ex from while ago got married this past saturday and for some reason i've been very sad about it. i guess he was my first real love and it feels funny to know he's married now even though i know deep down we weren't right for each other. it's funny how you feel those things. feelings are so unreliable. i guess i'm learning a lot about myself right now in life...its hard but its good i guess.

so i don't really have a conclusion to this entry this time because i haven't found a conclusion and even when i do have a conclusion sometimes i don't even apply it to my own life. so maybe i am better off not having a conclusion...maybe i'm better off just letting it be....

ok bye.

For some of us...our valleys have been dark this past year. I feel as if my valley has been dark but the good news is that it can change. With God all things are possible and the best part about it is He never ever leaves us.

I was listening to a sermon and it was talking about how sometimes we sit around and just wait for the Lord but we don't do our part. We just sit and wait and wait and wait and blame God for not working or coming through...but in almost every story in the Bible...followers of God had to make a first move...take a step of faith to show God that you TRULY trust him. If you need rain...and you are just sitting inside your home waiting on God to send some rain for a harvest in your life this year...He probably won't if you aren't digging some ditches. If you are wanting a job and you're sitting around at home waiting on some random phone call from an awesome job..it isn't going to happen! GO PUT ON SOME NICE CLOTHES AND GO OUT FOR AN INTERVIEW! DO your part....trust that God has great plans for your life. You may not get that job you want...but at least you're out there digging ditches waiting for God to send the rain at the PERFECT TIME.

If you're single and you're mad because you are wondering why God hasn't sent the right person in your life...quit trying to find the RIGHT person and YOU BE THE RIGHT PERSON and focus on CHRIST!!! If you're down and discouraged...look up and do WHAT YOU CAN...GOD WILL DO THE REST. He isn't a genie either....He just wants us to talk and trust him. He gives and takes away. He knows exactly what is best for us...but we HAVE TO DO OUR PART TOO. We do the natural...he will do the super.If you are at a point where you feel like you never hear God or feel him anymore..you might just need a stinkin nap!!! maybe you aren't eating right....TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!! DO WHAT YOU CAN. I think we all need some encouragement.. and I just wanted to try and encourage anyone who reads this. SO go do the natural ( NAPS, EATING RIGHT, DIG SOME DITCHES, READ, PRAY, EXERCISE) and GOD will do the SUPER ( everything we cannot do.)The LORD says, "I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you.- Joel 2:25

Fearless

"Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?" - Matthew 8:26

"So do not be afraid. You are worth much more than many sparrows."- Matthew 10:31

Worry does not work. It does not gain and does not promote the Holy Spirit. Find a way to be courageous today with your faith. Everyday is a chance to deplete your faith or allow it to grow. It's your choice. Nobody can make you worry and nobody can take away your worries except Jesus.


"Do not be afraid. Just believe, and your daughter will be well."- Luke 8:50