“There’s a criminal part to everyone’s heart, the outside looks clean, but the inside we’re falling apart. We call ourselves innocent men, but we don’t talk about the blood on our own hands. Tell me that there is a believable doubt or just walk away.” I think most of us don’t realize that there is a greater emotion than what we feel inside and it’s a love that takes place not just in us, or around us, but it has been, is and always will be. It is an Agape love that is unconditional. A love that is unheard of and for the most part unspoken of.
People don’t like to talk about truth, but they are free to tell you how they don’t feel so they can hide from the realness of themselves. When they find who they really are they see that there is one thing missing in their hearts and that is love. The irony of it is that all along that is the one thing everyone is searching for.
There is something free about the word “love”. It doesn’t mean to be free, but it is. So it must be true because the truth sets you free. I believe the goodness in people’s hearts is overwhelmed by the criminal part of their hearts.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Isaiah 44:10 says, "They traded in what their hearts could know for what their eyes could see."
This verse speaks to me vividly and immensely. I sit down and think about where my heart really has been lately. Am i searching for God or am i searching for quick fixes that "fill" me up? Am i trading in what I see right now for what is already in my heart that God has given me and only He can fulfill?
I think it's so easy to get distracted today with anything. It could be such a mundance thing that catches me off guard and the rest of my night I am not focusing on God. Its the simple things that get me such as finding a piece of chocolate and eating it which leads to something even more mundane like a quick nappy. lol
basically with this said, i have been brought to a point this past week where i have been craving God and his truth like i never have before. i feel joy. i feel peace. i am stirred up inside about my faith and who God is. I am tired of trading what i see for what is in my heart. I want God and cannot get enough.
This verse speaks to me vividly and immensely. I sit down and think about where my heart really has been lately. Am i searching for God or am i searching for quick fixes that "fill" me up? Am i trading in what I see right now for what is already in my heart that God has given me and only He can fulfill?
I think it's so easy to get distracted today with anything. It could be such a mundance thing that catches me off guard and the rest of my night I am not focusing on God. Its the simple things that get me such as finding a piece of chocolate and eating it which leads to something even more mundane like a quick nappy. lol
basically with this said, i have been brought to a point this past week where i have been craving God and his truth like i never have before. i feel joy. i feel peace. i am stirred up inside about my faith and who God is. I am tired of trading what i see for what is in my heart. I want God and cannot get enough.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
discouraged.
Have you ever felt like you were so out of place? So alone in everything you think and desire out of this life? I have.
Tonight I went out to eat with some people, and as i was sitting across from two strangers i just met, the conversation was flowing rapidly. Thoughts and ideas were expressed that have been accumulated over time either through experience or through someone else's experience and I must say that I felt so out of place. I couldn't agree on anything that they were saying because they were all things that I hate what have been done to me.
They began sharing how they were talking to other guys that were in relationships already and some were even married, and I just couldn't believe how nonchalant it has become to talk to other people while they are already in a relationship. I mean, i am not perfect and i'm not trying to judge anyone, but my entire point to this is that I am so disheartened because I fear that there isn't many people who are faithful anymore. It seems to me that everyone is in it for themselves and what they can get and a quick satisfaction that sooner or later doesn't last and leaves them wanting only more and more. Unfaithful relationships and marriages is such a discouragement in my heart right now. It just stirs me up inside!
What is marriage about? does anyone take them seriously anymore? when people say vows, what do they even mean to them? Marriage is a sacred thing! even if you aren't married, you shouldn't even mess with fire. you shouldn't even think about playing with fire by talking to another man or woman. I mean does anyone even have the respect of another person anymore? Does anyone think about how the other person might feel if they find out what your significant other has been doing? It just seems so heartless to me right now. I just feel discouraged and wonder if there is anyone who is loyal anymore...is there anyone who is seeking a relationship based off God? is there anyone who feels out of place and alone?
just feeling discouraged.. . a lot.
Tonight I went out to eat with some people, and as i was sitting across from two strangers i just met, the conversation was flowing rapidly. Thoughts and ideas were expressed that have been accumulated over time either through experience or through someone else's experience and I must say that I felt so out of place. I couldn't agree on anything that they were saying because they were all things that I hate what have been done to me.
They began sharing how they were talking to other guys that were in relationships already and some were even married, and I just couldn't believe how nonchalant it has become to talk to other people while they are already in a relationship. I mean, i am not perfect and i'm not trying to judge anyone, but my entire point to this is that I am so disheartened because I fear that there isn't many people who are faithful anymore. It seems to me that everyone is in it for themselves and what they can get and a quick satisfaction that sooner or later doesn't last and leaves them wanting only more and more. Unfaithful relationships and marriages is such a discouragement in my heart right now. It just stirs me up inside!
What is marriage about? does anyone take them seriously anymore? when people say vows, what do they even mean to them? Marriage is a sacred thing! even if you aren't married, you shouldn't even mess with fire. you shouldn't even think about playing with fire by talking to another man or woman. I mean does anyone even have the respect of another person anymore? Does anyone think about how the other person might feel if they find out what your significant other has been doing? It just seems so heartless to me right now. I just feel discouraged and wonder if there is anyone who is loyal anymore...is there anyone who is seeking a relationship based off God? is there anyone who feels out of place and alone?
just feeling discouraged.. . a lot.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Uninvited Interruptions
An alarm has gone off in my world. It is violently ringing and has been for the past couple of weeks. It will not turn off! (yet). It is relentless. It is uninviting. It is a rude awakening and all I want to do is smash it! All I want to do is turn this alarm off and go back into my comfortable, deep sleep. But guess what? God has other plans for me.
Sometimes we can become so comfortable in our tiny little worlds and our tiny little to-do lists that we forget our exact purpose of existence. We can become so comfortable with our loved ones and planning our future that we tend to place God on the backburner in our lives. It seems as if we have an attitude of, " nah, i'm doing ok without you right now God, but hey thanks for never leaving me just in case I do need you." Well, i don't blame any of us, because it is so easy to do. There are so many distractions in our lives that can keep us soley focused on Jesus alone!
So let's just get to my point. As most of you know, I am going through a very dark valley in my life right now. I had just been at one of the highest points in my life, an engagement with a man I love deeply to one of the lowest points of breaking it off. It was unexpected. It was unplanned. It was uninviting. It was horrendous. It is breaking my heart. It is excruciating and painful. It is a time in my life that has brought me to my knees to question everything in my life and why I am here now. How can you go from what seemed to be clearly God's will for your life to your whole world seeming to crumble? nothing makes sense to me right now.
So here I am hurting and at a loss of wisdom as to what God is up to right now. I am questioning my identity, my value and even my purpose in life because that's what pain does. It moves you. It directs you and pushes you in some kind of direction whether you like it or not. I didn't ask for this nor did I ever think it would happen, but it did and all the while God knew it too. Nothing surprised him and nothing ever will. He is Sovereign, therefore He is in control no matter how I decide to react to this pain in my life. I can run away from him and let my faith be depleted because its too hard, or I can run to Him with every moment I feel lost, with every moment I feel alone, with every moment that my heart feels it is being ripped into pieces, with every moment I feel I am too weak to even believe there is a good plan behind the fogginess right now, with every moment I ache for the life I wanted, with every moment I feel impatient with God, withe every moment I question his plan and purpose of my being.....I can run to him and experience the relationship with Him that I wouldn't have otherwise when I was comfortable making "my" plans for my life.
"The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives."- Psalm 37:23
So all the while I was making plans for my life thinking it was what was going to happen, apparently God has other plans right now. So, at first I wished he would just take all of this away because its too hard, and it continues to be very hard, but I remember when Paul said this, " I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."(Phill 4:12-13) Paul says He learned to be content in whatever circumstance and we all know that he was put in jail and beaten to a point of wanting to die. He was hungry and went through dark valleys of desperation, yet He learned to be content! Because He GOT IT! He got that the entire point of going through all of those hard times was about his relationship with God and that nothing compared to the fullness in knowing Christ! Nothing compared. I can sit here and say with all my heart that I'd like to be like Paul and be content in this circumstance of my life right now, but I'm not there yet.
But I can tell you where I am at though. I can tell you that I don't care if you think I am weak or hurting because the truth is, I am both of those right now. I can tell you that through this everything looks foggy to me and I am taking blind steps of faith right now. I am truly letting God show me the direction in my life. I can tell you that through all of this, I want God to show me a brand new way of living and experience Jesus like I have never experienced Him in my entire life! What is it that Paul is boasting about that we have yet to discover? What is this relationship with Christ supposed to look like? Maybe I've never seen it, maybe that's what this hiccuup on my little roadmap is all about. I can tell you that I am going to run to God through all this because I trust in Him and am learning to put my hope in Christ alone because afterall nothing is certain in this life. At any point in time something can be taken away from us, or our plans can change in the blink of an eye!
Psalm 73:26- " My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."
So I urge you to take heart because in this world you too will have trouble, but Jesus said He has overcome the world! I urge you to draw near to God even when your world is together and comfortable because nothing else should take God's place in your heart! Through all of this, I don't even want to go back to being fine like a time before, I want to learn that God has a NEW LIFE for me that He has always intended. I want to know and believe that God's best work is ALWAYS in the future and I know He has started a good work in me and isn't finished! I want to press on to the future and not look back! I want to run to him when I am sad and lost and give him my everything! I hope and pray to rise up and be made into a new person through this dark valley. So pray for me and continue to pray for God to heal my heart and completely guide me. I am so blessed to have so many people in my life who show Christ and love me through this time too! I really am so thankful. So I basically wanted to share with you exactly where I am right now with no strings attached. Just a broken human being who will be strengthened and renewed all through Christ!
So this Alarm that is still violently ringing in my ears and probably will for awhile longer won't last forever. Soon I can put it on snooze and hopefully I won't fall back into a deep slumber again, but learn from this and become more awake in my walk with Christ to see Who He is truly! Sometimes its hard to wake up, but one way or the other we have to because God loves us too much to let us remain who we are without Him first in our hearts.
Sometimes we can become so comfortable in our tiny little worlds and our tiny little to-do lists that we forget our exact purpose of existence. We can become so comfortable with our loved ones and planning our future that we tend to place God on the backburner in our lives. It seems as if we have an attitude of, " nah, i'm doing ok without you right now God, but hey thanks for never leaving me just in case I do need you." Well, i don't blame any of us, because it is so easy to do. There are so many distractions in our lives that can keep us soley focused on Jesus alone!
So let's just get to my point. As most of you know, I am going through a very dark valley in my life right now. I had just been at one of the highest points in my life, an engagement with a man I love deeply to one of the lowest points of breaking it off. It was unexpected. It was unplanned. It was uninviting. It was horrendous. It is breaking my heart. It is excruciating and painful. It is a time in my life that has brought me to my knees to question everything in my life and why I am here now. How can you go from what seemed to be clearly God's will for your life to your whole world seeming to crumble? nothing makes sense to me right now.
So here I am hurting and at a loss of wisdom as to what God is up to right now. I am questioning my identity, my value and even my purpose in life because that's what pain does. It moves you. It directs you and pushes you in some kind of direction whether you like it or not. I didn't ask for this nor did I ever think it would happen, but it did and all the while God knew it too. Nothing surprised him and nothing ever will. He is Sovereign, therefore He is in control no matter how I decide to react to this pain in my life. I can run away from him and let my faith be depleted because its too hard, or I can run to Him with every moment I feel lost, with every moment I feel alone, with every moment that my heart feels it is being ripped into pieces, with every moment I feel I am too weak to even believe there is a good plan behind the fogginess right now, with every moment I ache for the life I wanted, with every moment I feel impatient with God, withe every moment I question his plan and purpose of my being.....I can run to him and experience the relationship with Him that I wouldn't have otherwise when I was comfortable making "my" plans for my life.
"The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives."- Psalm 37:23
So all the while I was making plans for my life thinking it was what was going to happen, apparently God has other plans right now. So, at first I wished he would just take all of this away because its too hard, and it continues to be very hard, but I remember when Paul said this, " I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."(Phill 4:12-13) Paul says He learned to be content in whatever circumstance and we all know that he was put in jail and beaten to a point of wanting to die. He was hungry and went through dark valleys of desperation, yet He learned to be content! Because He GOT IT! He got that the entire point of going through all of those hard times was about his relationship with God and that nothing compared to the fullness in knowing Christ! Nothing compared. I can sit here and say with all my heart that I'd like to be like Paul and be content in this circumstance of my life right now, but I'm not there yet.
But I can tell you where I am at though. I can tell you that I don't care if you think I am weak or hurting because the truth is, I am both of those right now. I can tell you that through this everything looks foggy to me and I am taking blind steps of faith right now. I am truly letting God show me the direction in my life. I can tell you that through all of this, I want God to show me a brand new way of living and experience Jesus like I have never experienced Him in my entire life! What is it that Paul is boasting about that we have yet to discover? What is this relationship with Christ supposed to look like? Maybe I've never seen it, maybe that's what this hiccuup on my little roadmap is all about. I can tell you that I am going to run to God through all this because I trust in Him and am learning to put my hope in Christ alone because afterall nothing is certain in this life. At any point in time something can be taken away from us, or our plans can change in the blink of an eye!
Psalm 73:26- " My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."
So I urge you to take heart because in this world you too will have trouble, but Jesus said He has overcome the world! I urge you to draw near to God even when your world is together and comfortable because nothing else should take God's place in your heart! Through all of this, I don't even want to go back to being fine like a time before, I want to learn that God has a NEW LIFE for me that He has always intended. I want to know and believe that God's best work is ALWAYS in the future and I know He has started a good work in me and isn't finished! I want to press on to the future and not look back! I want to run to him when I am sad and lost and give him my everything! I hope and pray to rise up and be made into a new person through this dark valley. So pray for me and continue to pray for God to heal my heart and completely guide me. I am so blessed to have so many people in my life who show Christ and love me through this time too! I really am so thankful. So I basically wanted to share with you exactly where I am right now with no strings attached. Just a broken human being who will be strengthened and renewed all through Christ!
So this Alarm that is still violently ringing in my ears and probably will for awhile longer won't last forever. Soon I can put it on snooze and hopefully I won't fall back into a deep slumber again, but learn from this and become more awake in my walk with Christ to see Who He is truly! Sometimes its hard to wake up, but one way or the other we have to because God loves us too much to let us remain who we are without Him first in our hearts.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
to all who feel numb...
You can't blame numbness towards God on any circumstance, upbringing or excuse in your life. The numbness you feel at times isn't because God disconnected from you, it is because you disonnected from God. Your numbness isn't something you can blame on anyone else or thing but yourself! He isn't a God of mediocrity, but... a God of remarkable, unfathomable and wonderful!
life of mediocrity is what most of us live....but God has a life of fullness and abundant living. so how do we miss out on that? why do so many of us experience the freeness of sin and accept salvation but miss out on the wonderful relationship with Jesus himself?
i think that we drift away ourselves...we fill our lives with such "busy" activities that we actually become addicted to busying ourselves. we have a drug. whatever you replace your time with instead of God is an idol, a drug.
i'm guilty of it. everyone is at one point in their lives...
thing is i am working on getting back to a point where I am no longer numb. I feel numb right now....and it is only my fault. sometimes it is so hard for me to grasp his love and forgiveness. the only thing i know is...my life could be remarkable, awesome and unfathomable! but i lead a life of mediocrity because i've chosen that.
God is the only one who can warm your heart...
may you find the strength to spark the flame again, and find that Christ is the ultimate way to living!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
some things i've learned along the way...
i guess that i believe if you have something on your heart, you should share it. sooner or later it will probably come out one way or the other. always be honest. don't be brutal. always be loving. always share and be kind. never believe everything you hear. take interest in others. don't eat so much junkfood. exercise..it really does help you feel better. learn to forgive people, even the ones that hurt you more than anything. find what you believe in. no one can make you believe something you don't. don't follow; lead. i know that they always say to never regret anything, but i say...regret...move on and learn from it. don't hold grudges because the only person hurting is you. life isn't a race or a competition; we're all given different lots and paths in life...take your time to find the right way. i believe Jesus died on the cross to save me from my sins and he is the one truth and the only way. don't take my word; i say find out for yourself. laughter is the sweetest gift someone can give you. forget the past and truly forget it or you'll never have a better future. hold onto true love. if you love someone tell them even if they don't tell you back. laugh at yourself. love your enemies. love all. you can't please everyone and if you are then something is wrong.you only have one family so love them and know them. be true to yourself because you live with yourself always.listen to your heart. don't be cliche like i am right now. don't be generic when someone is upset. have at least one good failure in life. fall down. cry a good cry. take a roadtrip and don't use a map; just drive. never give up.ever.
to be continued....
to be continued....
wake up
you just woke up. your eyes adjust to the light.you can see but your ears are ringing. you can't hear anything at all. your heart starts to beat fast. your eyes widen and blood quickly runs through your veins. you walk to the bathroom and look in the mirror. say a few words outloud to see if you can hear. nothing. absolutely nothing.
what would you do if you woke up and something so precious was taken from you without any warning? how terrible would it be to lose your sight or hearing? how terrible would it be to lose a limb? how terrible would it be to know that you had those and now suddenly they are gone forever?
sometimes, i feel as if i take so much for granted. i can see. i can hear. i can walk. i can talk and laugh. i can comprehend. i can run and play. i can sing. i can draw and think. i have so much in my life. i am so blessed.
God has given me so much. this life isn't a race or a competition. i've been given my lot and i'm so thankful. i think it is hard to imagine what life would be like without the things i've already been given and its hard to grasp how some people make it in this life. it just has been on my mind how blessed i am & i don't want to take it for granted.
i need to wake up. i need to live more.
this is life right now. it doesn't wait for anyone.
what would you do if you woke up and something so precious was taken from you without any warning? how terrible would it be to lose your sight or hearing? how terrible would it be to lose a limb? how terrible would it be to know that you had those and now suddenly they are gone forever?
sometimes, i feel as if i take so much for granted. i can see. i can hear. i can walk. i can talk and laugh. i can comprehend. i can run and play. i can sing. i can draw and think. i have so much in my life. i am so blessed.
God has given me so much. this life isn't a race or a competition. i've been given my lot and i'm so thankful. i think it is hard to imagine what life would be like without the things i've already been given and its hard to grasp how some people make it in this life. it just has been on my mind how blessed i am & i don't want to take it for granted.
i need to wake up. i need to live more.
this is life right now. it doesn't wait for anyone.
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