I don't know much. I don't know where my life is leading. I am searching many things within my heart. I am questioning a lot. I am running to God but He is being silent with me. I still struggle with sins. I have messed up lately. I hate feeling lost when i'm saved by God's grace. I cannot seem to find myself. I know I am saved by God's grace and He is enough. I still have my doubts. I still look in the wrong places when I already have the answer. I still am a sinner.... i'm just forgiven by Jesus' blood Nothing can pluck me out of His hand Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
I am a conqueror. I am a fighter. I am strong. I am a child of the Almighty one.
I am held by God's hands. I am loved. I am sought after. I am pursued. I'm still here. I'm alive. I'm willing. I'm open. I'm honest. I'm a free bird. I am pursuing.
Can I be honest? I don't know how to live. I try. I laugh. I learn. I fall. I cry. I pray. I search. I keep going. and I trust God. It's hard. It seems it is getting harder. I hope that somehow...this helps because i'm somewhere out here waiting on the Lord. Here I am Lord.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
There's something silly about the way people live; how they move and initiate the same conversations over and over each week. The way people talk and the way they show their feelings, if at all. There is something unique and ordinary meshed together oddly enough to describe the way people make it each day.
I can't put my finger on it...but as humans we want to live and when I say live I mean really LIVE. So when we aren't using our hearts and minds to the capacity they were created to beat and turn we evolve into a hollow box that was made to be filled and we begin to wander into a session of unfortunate activities and thoughts that never pertained to us to begin with.
none of this really makes sense, but it does. the world is flat. the world is round. bouncy balls don't bounce. words are just words... living isn't just living though.
i want to live. i want to live for Jesus. i'm struggling. flesh takes over spirit. so why do i reenact the same activities and words each day, and week? because we are creatures of habit which leads to your character which leads to either life or death.
i will be honest here on out.
I can't put my finger on it...but as humans we want to live and when I say live I mean really LIVE. So when we aren't using our hearts and minds to the capacity they were created to beat and turn we evolve into a hollow box that was made to be filled and we begin to wander into a session of unfortunate activities and thoughts that never pertained to us to begin with.
none of this really makes sense, but it does. the world is flat. the world is round. bouncy balls don't bounce. words are just words... living isn't just living though.
i want to live. i want to live for Jesus. i'm struggling. flesh takes over spirit. so why do i reenact the same activities and words each day, and week? because we are creatures of habit which leads to your character which leads to either life or death.
i will be honest here on out.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Take Me
Take me back to a time when I was younger and everything meant nothing...
Take me back to a time when laughter was all I knew...
Take me back to a time when I was young and thought I knew what love was...
Take me to a place I feel safe...
Take me back to when I was a little girl and had my whole life ahead of me...
Take me anywhere on a map....
Take me back to this memory...
or this memory....
Take me anywhere, to any place, any time, any memory or thought....but none of those things or times define who I am. None of my memories or past failures, accomplishments, good times or bad times will ever define who I am.
The only thing that defines me is who I am in Christ.
So take me to Christ. not just today or right now, but everyday for the rest of my life because He is the one thing I know will never change, fade or create false hope... Take me to nothing but Christ.
Monday, January 31, 2011
DISTRACTIONS
Can i ask you one thing?
Who are you really living for? yourself? others? strangers? I may not look like it on the outside, but sometimes i find myself searching for happiness in myself and others when I already have God in my heart. It's ironic and chilling to the bone to think about. I hate it. I despise it. Why can't living a life for God be easier sometimes. He says He is the truth, the way and the life, so why is it so hard to find him sometimes when I already have Him? i'll tell you why. DISTRACTIONS.
I know that deep down He is alive and living inside of me. I know that He is always around me and knows the deepest parts of me that even I don't know. I know that there is not enough I could do for Him to love me more or less. I know He loves me more than anyone could ever love me. I know I am always accepted by Him and always will be. I know that I am seen through Jesus Christ's blood and there is not a thing i can do to impress God. I'm forgiven. So why is it so easy to run to distractions all the time when I already have the very thing that will complete me and only that? ......GOD.
"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6
I guess we are all human, and we fall. We are a work in progress. We must endure until the end. That is why grace isn't cheap, it was a price that Jesus paid for...all of us, to anyone who accepts what He has done. I guess I just wish I didn't get so distracted by such mundane things in this life. It is way too short not be running to God every single moment, every breath, every single day. I pray that I find fulfillment in Him and not distractions that don't last. I pray He draws closer to me as I draw closer to Him.
"See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ. For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority." (Col 2:8-10)
I guess the good thing is, God is a God of many chances, and a God of forgiveness and grace. He never turns his back on us even when we turn ours on him over and over and over again. So here I go again...running back to him after being distracted. Afterall we are a work in progress, and we will never be complete until the day of Christ's return.
"How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog--it's here a little while, then it's gone."- James 4:14
"We often think today that Christ is part of our lives. He's maybe an important part but not all. We need Christ plus philosophy...we need Christ plus psychology...we need Christ plus ritual...we need Christ plus ceremony...... But the Bible says it's all in Christ and it's all in knowing Christ."
Who are you really living for? yourself? others? strangers? I may not look like it on the outside, but sometimes i find myself searching for happiness in myself and others when I already have God in my heart. It's ironic and chilling to the bone to think about. I hate it. I despise it. Why can't living a life for God be easier sometimes. He says He is the truth, the way and the life, so why is it so hard to find him sometimes when I already have Him? i'll tell you why. DISTRACTIONS.
I know that deep down He is alive and living inside of me. I know that He is always around me and knows the deepest parts of me that even I don't know. I know that there is not enough I could do for Him to love me more or less. I know He loves me more than anyone could ever love me. I know I am always accepted by Him and always will be. I know that I am seen through Jesus Christ's blood and there is not a thing i can do to impress God. I'm forgiven. So why is it so easy to run to distractions all the time when I already have the very thing that will complete me and only that? ......GOD.
"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6
I guess we are all human, and we fall. We are a work in progress. We must endure until the end. That is why grace isn't cheap, it was a price that Jesus paid for...all of us, to anyone who accepts what He has done. I guess I just wish I didn't get so distracted by such mundane things in this life. It is way too short not be running to God every single moment, every breath, every single day. I pray that I find fulfillment in Him and not distractions that don't last. I pray He draws closer to me as I draw closer to Him.
"See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ. For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority." (Col 2:8-10)
I guess the good thing is, God is a God of many chances, and a God of forgiveness and grace. He never turns his back on us even when we turn ours on him over and over and over again. So here I go again...running back to him after being distracted. Afterall we are a work in progress, and we will never be complete until the day of Christ's return.
"How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog--it's here a little while, then it's gone."- James 4:14
"We often think today that Christ is part of our lives. He's maybe an important part but not all. We need Christ plus philosophy...we need Christ plus psychology...we need Christ plus ritual...we need Christ plus ceremony...... But the Bible says it's all in Christ and it's all in knowing Christ."
AGAPE
“There’s a criminal part to everyone’s heart, the outside looks clean, but the inside we’re falling apart. We call ourselves innocent men, but we don’t talk about the blood on our own hands. Tell me that there is a believable doubt or just walk away.” I think most of us don’t realize that there is a greater emotion than what we feel inside and it’s a love that takes place not just in us, or around us, but it has been, is and always will be. It is an Agape love that is unconditional. A love that is unheard of and for the most part unspoken of.
People don’t like to talk about truth, but they are free to tell you how they don’t feel so they can hide from the realness of themselves. When they find who they really are they see that there is one thing missing in their hearts and that is love. The irony of it is that all along that is the one thing everyone is searching for.
There is something free about the word “love”. It doesn’t mean to be free, but it is. So it must be true because the truth sets you free. I believe the goodness in people’s hearts is overwhelmed by the criminal part of their hearts.
People don’t like to talk about truth, but they are free to tell you how they don’t feel so they can hide from the realness of themselves. When they find who they really are they see that there is one thing missing in their hearts and that is love. The irony of it is that all along that is the one thing everyone is searching for.
There is something free about the word “love”. It doesn’t mean to be free, but it is. So it must be true because the truth sets you free. I believe the goodness in people’s hearts is overwhelmed by the criminal part of their hearts.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Isaiah 44:10 says, "They traded in what their hearts could know for what their eyes could see."
This verse speaks to me vividly and immensely. I sit down and think about where my heart really has been lately. Am i searching for God or am i searching for quick fixes that "fill" me up? Am i trading in what I see right now for what is already in my heart that God has given me and only He can fulfill?
I think it's so easy to get distracted today with anything. It could be such a mundance thing that catches me off guard and the rest of my night I am not focusing on God. Its the simple things that get me such as finding a piece of chocolate and eating it which leads to something even more mundane like a quick nappy. lol
basically with this said, i have been brought to a point this past week where i have been craving God and his truth like i never have before. i feel joy. i feel peace. i am stirred up inside about my faith and who God is. I am tired of trading what i see for what is in my heart. I want God and cannot get enough.
This verse speaks to me vividly and immensely. I sit down and think about where my heart really has been lately. Am i searching for God or am i searching for quick fixes that "fill" me up? Am i trading in what I see right now for what is already in my heart that God has given me and only He can fulfill?
I think it's so easy to get distracted today with anything. It could be such a mundance thing that catches me off guard and the rest of my night I am not focusing on God. Its the simple things that get me such as finding a piece of chocolate and eating it which leads to something even more mundane like a quick nappy. lol
basically with this said, i have been brought to a point this past week where i have been craving God and his truth like i never have before. i feel joy. i feel peace. i am stirred up inside about my faith and who God is. I am tired of trading what i see for what is in my heart. I want God and cannot get enough.
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