Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I don't care what you've done or who you used to be.
but i don't understand that you don't care about my past as well.
I don't mind if you mess up or fail.
but i can't seem to grasp that you love me in my lowest points.
You make me smile when I don't want to.
I can't see why I'd make you smile.
You encourage me and lift me up because you care.
sometimes i don't believe you.
no matter what i love you.
no matter what you love me.
some things are just so hard to grasp, like how someone can love you. sometimes it is hard for me to believe people really love me because i know myself and how i am. I know when I'm grumpy and the mean thoughts that i think which i don't want to think but i do because I'm a sinful being. i know all of my faults and failures. i know myself in my lowest points. I still wonder how someone can love me and see past my faults and bad seasons.
i've learned through my relationships in the past and relationships in my life right now what true love really is, and i only know because Christ is present in these relationships currently. I've learned that someone can love me and part of someone loving me is accepting it. My view on God's love for me has been skewed for so long and i didn't even realize it until i fell in love. God sees me through Jesus' blood now whereas before He saw sin, but now that i've asked Jesus into my heart, He only sees Christ's blood. He loves me no matter what i've done, no matter what I do and no matter what i'm going to do. He loves me through my faults, my sins, my failures and my frustration. He just loves me.
i know that it is possible for someone to love me through all my bad seasons. i know that it is real that some people in my life love me with all they have. i see it. i feel it and i'm coming around to accept it. the brokeness in my past through certain things have affected me, but God restores hearts and lives and He is! He has lead me to a person who truly radiates Christ and Christ's love and i am able to see Christ in a different light now. I am able to see. Love sees.
i don't understand why it is so hard for me at times to accept love from other people, let alone God, because i truly know God loves me, that's why he sent his son to die on the cross for me. God shows me everyday He loves me, so why is it hard to accept his love sometimes? why is it hard to accept other people's love for me too?
I know that real love, sticks with you to the end. It never gives up. It is patient and kind, gentle, not jealous and all of those wonderful things. God is love.
I just think i am so blessed to know Jesus as my savior. To experience his love through my relationships with other people and to see His love for me in a different light. I know he's not finished molding me, and i'm quite ok with that. :)