If there is one thing i want to be with you today... it is real.
Lately, I have been forgetting my purpose as to why I am alive and why I was created. I have been living for myself and essentially others (opinions) to find temporary happiness which wasn't real happiness to begin with. I know who my creator is and I know that my only purpose is to serve and know God.
I look around wherever I go, and i wonder what each person holds in their hearts; the deep secrets that nobody knows about them; the sadness or hurting they carry around; their desires and their bondages. I look at people everywhere i go whether they seem happy on the outside or sad on the outside, who is to know what really goes on in their hearts? only God.
I have known people in my lifetime for seasons and I thought I knew them, only to find later I had no idea who they were or what they kept deep inside of them. So the reason I am telling you this is because, I have struggled lately with feeling lost in my heart and life...because I don't measure up to the world's standards of being this or that or having the right job or at the right standard for this age, and i have been struggling with that because all this time i'm asking God what i'm supposed to do as well and I feel like He hasn't told me. I told you this because other people look great and have it together to me, but I don't know their hearts or their lives, and i'm comparing my life to someone else's path when God has his very own plan for me. deep down i know this.
oh my this life is so short. also, my ex from while ago got married this past saturday and for some reason i've been very sad about it. i guess he was my first real love and it feels funny to know he's married now even though i know deep down we weren't right for each other. it's funny how you feel those things. feelings are so unreliable. i guess i'm learning a lot about myself right now in life...its hard but its good i guess.
so i don't really have a conclusion to this entry this time because i haven't found a conclusion and even when i do have a conclusion sometimes i don't even apply it to my own life. so maybe i am better off not having a conclusion...maybe i'm better off just letting it be....